Have you ever been in a situation where your heart starts racing, your mind blanks, you have trouble speaking, and you become reactive and lash out? Or conversely, your limbs suddenly feel heavy and disconnected, you feel numb, and you might even feel like you are outside of your body?
For many people, those experiences are followed by shame: I must be a bad person. I can’t control my anger. Something is wrong with me. Why did I freeze instead of fighting back? If you’ve ever felt this way, I want you to hear this clearly: you are not broken.
These are responses rooted in how our nervous system detects and responds to stress. Polyvagal theory provides a framework that helps us understand these reactions—so we can learn how to work with them, rather than against them.
What Is Polyvagal Theory?
Before diving into polyvagal theory, it helps to understand the two primary parts of the autonomic nervous system:
- The sympathetic nervous system, which activates us for action—like stepping on the gas pedal.
- The parasympathetic nervous system, which helps us slow down and regulate—like gently pressing the brakes. (An easy way to remember it is: *”para” like a parachute—helping us slow down.)
Both systems work together to keep us safe and balanced. Polyvagal theory offers a more nuanced look at the autonomic nervous system, helping us understand the different ways our body responds to stress and safety—whether through mobilization, regulation, or shutdown.
Polyvagal theory, developed by Dr. Stephen Porges, explores how the vagus nerve plays a central role in how our bodies respond to safety, danger, and connection. The vagus nerve is part of the autonomic nervous system, which controls automatic body functions like heart rate, digestion, and breathing.
The vagus nerve is primarily afferent—which means about 80% of the signals it carries go from the body to the brain, So often, our brain is simply responding to the cues our body is already giving it. This is why nervous system regulation is such an important part of healing.
Many traditional forms of therapy take a “top-down” approach, starting with thoughts and beliefs. This can be effective—when a person is regulated. But if someone is in a state of hyperarousal (fight-or-flight) or shutdown (freeze), their ability to reflect or process may be offline. In these moments, a “bottom-up” approach—working with the body first—is often more effective. Helping the nervous system feel safe allows deeper insight and emotional work to follow.
The Polyvagal Ladder: A Simple Way to Understand Your States
Think of your nervous system as moving up and down a ladder of response:
- Top of the Ladder – Safe and Social (Ventral Vagal)
You feel calm, connected, curious, and capable of relating to others. This is where we heal, grow, and connect. - Middle of the Ladder – Fight or Flight (Sympathetic)
Your body detects danger. You may feel anxious, angry, restless, or hyper-focused. Your system is mobilized to act or escape. - Bottom of the Ladder – Freeze or Shutdown (Dorsal Vagal)
When danger feels overwhelming or unavoidable, the body shuts down. You may feel numb, foggy, withdrawn, or helpless.
We all move through these states every day. Therapy informed by polyvagal theory helps us notice our state and develop tools to regulate and return to a place of safety and connection.
Why Polyvagal Theory Matters in Therapy
Understanding our nervous system responses can be incredibly validating. When clients learn that reactions like shutting down, zoning out, or lashing out are protective responses, not personality flaws, it can lead to greater self-compassion and hope.
Therapists using a polyvagal-informed approach may:
- Help clients track physical cues of stress and safety
- Use grounding, movement, or breathwork to support regulation
- Introduce visual tools like Dan Siegel’s Hand Model of the Brain to explain what’s happening neurologically
- Normalize the nervous system’s attempts to protect us, while gently building capacity for change
For another approachable explanation, check out Russ Harris’s animation on The Evolution of the Human Mind. It illustrates why our brains are wired the way they are—and why we shouldn’t be ashamed of that.
Also helpful is Therapy in a Nutshell’s video on The 3 States of Anxiety, which gives a clear and kind explanation of the polyvagal ladder in everyday terms.
Want to Learn More?
Here are some simple, trusted resources to go deeper:
- Deb Dana’s Polyvagal Resources – Practical tools from a clinician who makes the theory approachable
- Polyvagal 101 by Justin Sunseri – A great entry point for understanding the nervous system
- The Polyvagal Theory Book by Stephen Porges – A more technical read from the originator of the theory
Final Thought
Your body is doing its best to protect you. Polyvagal theory offers a compassionate, science-based framework for understanding those protections—and learning how to return to a state of safety and connection. Whether you’re in therapy or just curious about your internal world, this theory can help you befriend your nervous system, rather than battle it.